Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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