I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
