Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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