I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize