Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
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You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
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PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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