new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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