pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize