Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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