I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
