what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???