um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.