just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
