Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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