so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
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he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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