what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
