Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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