If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
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Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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