my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize