so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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