Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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