R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
literally had 100 drinks last night.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
