Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
