weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
