Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
