we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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