just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
