So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
