Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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