I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
