Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
