I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
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Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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