3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
