That's when you crack a 10am beer
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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