i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
