Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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