You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
FUCK WHALES
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
