so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
