idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
