Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
