just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
