what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
