ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
