Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
