what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
