As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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