"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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