i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
