you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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