Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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