I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize