Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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