Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
