Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
