Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
