remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he shaved USA in his pubs
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
