also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
