He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
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I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
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Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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