You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
