So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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