I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
