i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
